Nothing In My Hand I Bring
Nothing In My Hand I Bring
The sweetest fruit that we receive from God is His fellowship. Knowing that the Divine took the initiative to know us in spite of ourselves is overwhelming as well as incomprehensible. Incredibly this truth is often not at the forefront of our minds, this being the age of distraction rather than contemplation. Still, our fear of Him who loves us sacrificially sustains us when life becomes less than our human ideal. I speak of those unexpected events in life that everyone eventually faces and is forced to deal with.
'Though He slay me yet will I trust him was Job's way of expressing his tested faith. Job was never the same after losing all. When tragedy comes you don't have personal tragedy and self, you have a whole new self changed by the transpired events. By the grace of God it is a stronger, more sanctified person whose faith is purer: someone who allows God to use the pain as a way of relating to others who hurt; a person directed more on their relationship with God and consequently, the more important things in life. Superficiality loses its grip for a while as reflection, deliberateness, and focus assume control.
1998 has been a tough year for our family. My father, at the age of 63, died of heart failure. Like most sons, there was still much that I would like to have said and done with my dad, but now that has passed. My children will only know him through photographs and the stories that I will tell.
Then after 8 weeks of pregnancy, my wife, Angela, and I had a miscarriage. Anticipation of another cherub dwelling in our home was replaced with the sound of sirens in the night. This time we came home from the hospital alone.
In addition, the trip to Florida for Dad's funeral and hospital stay for Angela sapped us financially and recreated the wolf of debt that we had almost fended away from our door.
God has sustained us through all of this. Though at times the calm that He supplies is replaced with numbness, a sense of loss. Pain, anger, negative introspection, and sorrow return, threatening to overwhelm and rob us of peace. We don't always run immediately to the Throne of grace for help. Sometimes we find ourselves arguing about little or nothing. Our patience with our children isn't as strong. Morale for work and ministry is low. The thought of retreat is appealing ... sometimes. We are not the same. Life is not the same.
Thankfully, God never changes.
Our knowledge of He who is completely sovereign over life causes us to rightfully assume His plan is best regardless of our pain. If we lived "under the sun" as did the writer of Ecclesiastes, our hearts could fail us because of grief or dashed expectations. Instead of trusting God more we would trust Him less. The comfort of Romans 8:28 is reserved only for 'those who love God...' . This is our parking place alone. But this is more than just a cerebral, stoic response to pain. This is a loving acquiescence to the one we call Father. We trust Him. Oh, not perfectly, or completely. We find ourselves, like the psalmist, crying and lamenting, and guessing why. But we find ourselves always being drawn back by grace to God.
And He helps and supports us with our losses.
The outpouring of sympathy and support that we receive through God's people was amazing. Within days of our sad events we received cards, letters, meals, phone calls, prayers, visits, babysitters, cash, and hugs from so many people from the local Christian community. Nearly every PCA, ARP, and OPC in the Tri-Cities area was represented by the responses. Our friends from other areas of the country contacted us to let us know they were praying for us and and to see if there was anything else they could do. At the time of this writing, 1/5 of the medical expenses have been covered. Many shared with us stories of their own pain and loss. We are humbled by the concern, by the love of God's people.
The result has been an acceleration in the depth of relationships. As a family we know that the church is there for us. Good times and bad. For now our response to greetings of , "How are you?" isn't a perfunctory "Fine" but more of, "Better, thank you."
Our Christian experience is more substantive, the grace of God more real. In the aftermath of loss there is a sense of gain. Gain because all that we possess in this life, including life, is from the hand of God. "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord' was Job's accurate assessment of "misfortune". Our reaction to loss should be gratitude for the time of possession, evaluation of our stewardship, and prayer for wisdom regarding the change that has come into our lives.
None of us enjoys these trials. Pain is not something we relish and seek out. But trials do reveal our weaknesses and our strengths, then they drive us back to God and make us stronger.
Our oldest child, Lauren, 3 1/2, still asks about "Papa Windham" and how "Granny is doing living alone." When Angela came home from the hospital Lauren came into our room where my wife was resting and reassured her by asking, "Mommy, you can have another baby can't you?"
We are blessed to see our children sensitive and responsive to the inevitableness of earthly existence. e pray that we might teach them wisely and set the right example for them under these circumstances.
God has moved us unexpectedly into a new phase of life. e pray for grace to glorify God through it all.