The Spiritual Discipline of Physical Discipline
by R.C. Sproul, Jr.

A law without a sanction is just a suggestion. And the place to look for appropriate sanctions is to the law, the law of God. I will not spend any precious space arguing that the spanking of children is a biblical and therefore wise thing. The Word is abundantly clear, and will not be defeated by assorted psychologists and government nannies. That you should spank your disobedient children is aromatic. Those who deny this show they are in need of a spanking themselves. But how to spank is not so clear.

That lack of clarity flows out of the Scripture's relative silence. Given that silence, what follows is not binding exegesis, but some suggestions gleaned from men wiser than I, suggestions I've found fruitful. Here is how a spanking goes in the Sproul home.

First, there is only one offense for which a spanking is administered. We do not spank for hitting siblings, for sticking out tongues, for squeezing ketchup all over the carpet. We spank for disobedience. The advantage of this is that every spanking then affirms the authority of the parent universally. It alleviates the problem of having to explain why this or

that is wrong. It is always wrong to disobey.

Second, our children are always spanked privately. Being disciplined is not only not much fun, it can be embarrassing. I take Darby or Campbell into a separate room. The non-spankee, or about to be spankee always ask "Are you going to spank them?" And the spankee answers with me, "That's not your concern."

So there we are, alone in a room. I begin with a two questions, and a comment. "Did daddy tell you not to yell in the house?' "Yes." Did you yell in the house?" "Yes." "That's disobeying, and Daddy must spank you." The child is then relieved of any overly protective padding (a thick pair of jeans or a diaper) placed over my knee and given a swift wack with a glue stick. Now the glue stick is a wonderful tool. It creates a sharp, and temporary pain. That's what you want. The biggest mistake I've seen in spankings is a lack of pain. No pain, no gain. (Glue sticks, by the way, can be found at any craft store.) (Copy editor's note- be sure to buy the foot long kind. Mini-glue sticks give mini-spankings, and are mini-effective).

The child then turns to daddy for a hug and says, "I'm sorry daddy." Daddy says, "Daddy loves and forgives you." And then we say a prayer. It goes like this, "Dear Lord, please forgive me for disobeying daddy. Please send Your Spirit to help me learn to obey. Thank you that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. Amen." And that's it. It's over, except perhaps for a reminder to apologize to anyone wronged in the infraction. Peace is restored in the home, quickly and efficiently.

Perhaps the second most common error I see is the parent who spanks in anger. This anger usually flows from frustration, and that frustration flows from the child's refusal to recognize escalating verbal warnings. It is work to spank, and far easier to give a warning. But the maxim isn't "Spare the warning, spoil the child." So we threaten, and we threaten, and the poor child doesn't know how many warnings or how many decibels equals the real deal. And we fear if we spank without the warnings, we'll be spanking all the time. So you're peeved, they're confused, and out comes the anger spank. Remember, you're the grown up. And the maxim isnt "Spare the look of seething rage, spoil the child." And more spankings now mean less later. They catch on quick once we learn to be consistent, and to inflict pain.

You don't spank to vent your anger. You don't spank principally retributively. You spank to teach. And so your anger, if you have any, has no place in the classroom, before or after the spanking. After the spanking reconciliation must take place. The child must know that the peace has been restored. Therefore you need to get over it, even before you get a chance to vacuum up the mess.

Which brings us to another problem, spanking children for being children. There is a difference between disobedience and immaturity. If I ask Darby to put her shoes on, and she continues reading a book, she is disobeying. If she takes too long because she hasn't yet mastered how to tie her shoes, that's immaturity. Both can be equally frustrating as you're trying to get out the door to get to church on time, but only one needs a spanking.

If your family is like mine, cycles are likely. Lots of spankings create obedient children which makes us more likely to use (and use effectively), warnings. And warnings tend to create disobedient children who need more spankings.

A few final hints. At all costs, keep a united front. Moms, don't fuss at the dads who think a spanking is in order. Dads, don't start giving late spankings because Mom failed to give one. Dads, make sure your children see your shadow behind Mom when you're not home. You are the head of your house, and a slight against the authority of your wife is a slight against your authority.

And remember that this is how we love our children. Spanking is not something God allows for those who don't care for their children, but something God commands for those that do love their children. You're not doing them any favors by ignoring Scripture's wisdom. Pay no attention to the experts. It's not their children you are training, and all the credentials in the world don't trump the resume that says at the top, "Creator of all things."