The Courage to Bear
The Courage to Bear
Perhaps one of the first tests of a young man's courage is that trip to the pharmacist. He enters, looks around to see if he recognizes anyone, grabs an ace bandage and a box of epsom salts, races to the counter, and, eyes on the floor, murmurs, "Can I also have a box of Trojans?" The old man looks over his bifocals, makes eye contact, and hands over the coveted box, praying his granddaughter won't be the recipient.
Okay, so the story is rather dated. Drugstores are now in grocery stores, and everyone knows you get condoms from the school nurse. Given our cultural condition today, it takes courage for a young man to explain to his lady friend that he'd like to save himself for marriage. But the prevailing wisdom has stayed the same, that a wise man is one who plans his family.
Denise and I have four wonderful children. And after the birth of each we've gone through a little interview with the doctor. He asks what we do in terms of family planning. Denise blushes immediately, not because she's too delicate to discuss such matters with the man who just pulled a baby out of her, but because she knows what I'm about to say.
"Doc, we have the most incredible plan for family planning. You're going to want to take notes on this, and tell all your other patients. Our plan is foolproof. Why, with this plan, we never have a baby when we're not supposed to, and every time we should have one, we get one." By this time the doctor knows where I'm coming from. He usually just smiles and then tells me how long our season of prayer must last until Denise and I can get back to work.
But this plan takes courage. It takes it on at least two fronts. First we must have the courage to trust God. We have the same worries that other families have. Will we be able to afford another child? Will we be able to give our children sufficient attention? Will we become overwhelmed with the demands that children place on our time and patience? Who knows? God knows.
Think about that for a moment. Just what is the ideal spacing between children? Two years? Four? Twenty-seven months? Nobody, at least no human, really knows. But God does know, and so we trust Him. I've found Him to be far more trustworthy than the folks at Banned Parenthood, or any psychologist. He's always right.
And how much money does it take to care for a child? Some "experts argue that it takes $250,000 to raise a child. If they're, right, I'm about due for a raise. For we must also have the courage to believe God when He says through His servant David, "I was young and now I am old yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken, or their children begging bread" (Psalm 37: 25). It takes courage to live as if we believe what we profess with our lips, that God is the one who will provide for all of our needs. Someone who owns the cattle on a thousand hills can surely see to it that my children are fed. While I have been given the charge to provide for my family, and warned that if I fail I am worse than an infidel, God has made His promise.
Perhaps the greater courage is needed, however, to face the mocking of the world, our friends and family. Some people are very supportive of our thinking on this issue. Most of them are much older. But most just think we're crazy. And they're right, we're crazy about God's covenant blessings, and will take all that He decides to give. Still it can be painful. I must go through life with many people thinking me a monster who treats my dear wife as a baby machine. And my wife must go through life with people thinking she is foolish for missing out on all the goodies and activities that come with a standard sized family.
It takes courage not to lash out at those who are less than shy is letting us know what they think. It takes the courage of our convictions. It is only those that are uneasy about their view that-shout at those that disagree.
But there is a third issue here that calls for courage. One of the reasons I prefer having children to having yuppie toys is that children last forever. But that is also cause for fear. You see God's call is not just to have children, but to raise them. And not just to raise them, but to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord. If I fail to care for my cappuccino machine, I will either just get a new one, or do without. But my children I love. My failures as a father, and there are many, have eternal consequences. Should my children end up in the eternal garbage pit, I cannot just go get more.
That is why my constant prayer is this, "Oh Lord, make Denise and me parents who are pleasing to You. And please cover our failures not only in terms of our judgment, but in terms of their judgment." Kids aren't toys, they're bearers of God's image.
The good news is this: It doesn't take much to remind us that we are on the right course. A smile, a kiss, the sound of squealing laughter all serve to encourage us, to give us the courage to continue in the path God has laid before us. And we can yet look forward to that day when God will bless our little blessings with still more little blessings. And we will rejoice. I was young, and now I'm not quite so young, but I have never seen the righteous wish they were not given the children God blessed them with.