The Way of a Man
The Way of a Man
'There are three things which are too wonderful for me yes, four which I do not understand. the way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the midst of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid. '
Agur certainly has a way with words. His poetry captures the wonder and beauty of four expressions of God's creation. Some commentators suggest that the first three are used to emphasize the fourth-the beauty of love-making. Well, it doesn't take a scholar to realize that all four illustrations involve movement, mystery, and beauty. The way, or movement of the four examples, covers the whole physical realm: the sky above, the earth beneath, the oceans, and then our own physical bodies. The selection also reminds us of mystery. If you turn off the mechanical/technical understanding of aerodynamics, locomotion, and navigation that post industrial modernism has given us, and turn on the heart of a poet, the way of the eagle, serpent and ship is strange and wonderful. When we consider the mystery of God's gift of sexual pleasure we see and enjoy its beauty.
The way of a husband with his wife is an awesome, wonderful and mysterious event. This greatest of pleasures that God has given has been corrupted like no other. And all the ways it is denigrated involve removing it from its rightful context or not using the gift within the proper parameters rightly. Marriage is the rightful context, but marriage alone does not insure enjoyment of the gift. To be truly satisfied we must be mindful of some things.
Our anatomy teaches us that a partnership is necessary for sexual fulfillment. None of us has all the parts. We are created incomplete in this area so that we may become one as a couple. The didactic here is that the pleasure is not personal as much as it is shared. By remembering this truth, love-making is not tainted, much less governed by selfish manipulations. And it is free to be a time of giving to each other, each partner trying to out give the other. Hubba, hubba.
But within this context of physical pleasure are needs that reach the deepest fathoms of each partner's soul. The wife's desire for intimacy is at its greatest here. When Agur was writing about love-making in Proverbs 30, 1 doubt the image in his head was one of 'Wham, bam, thank you ma'am!" No, according to the context, there is beauty in movement, the pace unhurried, not dictated by uncontrolled lust but by the wonder of passion as the husband gives his life for the wife. Time is important here. Gentlemen, this is why your wife likes to talk during sex. She will bring up the day's events, what the kids did, who called on the phone, what was in the mail, etc. And you are thinking, 'I thought we were having sex." Wrong, you were having sex- your wife assumes that your are making love to her. Listening is an essential dimension of love-making from the woman's point of view. That is how they are wired.
Touch is also an important aspect of love to the wife. The rubbing of feet, the massaging of the shoulders, the kissing of eyelids, all basically unnecessary to the husband's fulfillment, lift the wife into the stratosphere of intimacy because the husband is taking the time to be tender and considerate and wise concerning his woman's needs. Of course, a truly wise man will realize, 'Hey, I can do this intimacy thing to my wife all the time, not just in the bedroom.'
The husband's need is much more complex. Surprised?! I say it is more complex because what he needs from his wife must first be earned. He needs respect, which means he must first be heroic in all his daily tasks. Being God's man whatever the cost, fulfilling patriarchal responsibility in leading the home. Then the ecstasy of the boudoir is not just a release of tension or preventative maintenance regarding lustful thoughts but a true validation of his manhood. The bedroom should be the place of substantiating virtue and enjoying the presence of the godly warrior. Giving the respect that is due. This is beautiful. This is wonderful.
As you can see, the life outside the bedroom dictates the activity of the bedroom. Which means maximum sex is a lot of work. In a sense, between husband and wife, everything they do during the day is part of foreplay. The raising and teaching of the children, the legitimate earning of an income, the keeping of the house, the worship of God, the hospitality to family, friends, and neighbors, etc. all add to the aesthetic value of love-making.
This is not why we live as we do. We live before the face of God. Our focus is to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever. So ... if we simply do those things God requires of us, one area of benefit will be (and a big area I might add!) our sex lives. In fact, the people around us probably should suspect that we are enjoying ourselves quite well. There is a glow and contentment that follows good relations between husband and wife. This is apparent to all who enter the home. We have all visited with couples whose tension caused us unease. The tragedy is it simply does not have to be that way.
Let us remember that as couples, one of our first responsibilities before God is to each other. All the rest of our life flows from this.
I have a suggestion. Since it is human nature to forget these truths, why not put this article, or one like it, somewhere that it can serve as a constant reminder of our duty to the beauty of love?