A Mother's Garden

Dear Bobbi Ann,

Thanks for writing. It's always encouraging for us to hear from folks who are growing and learning through reading and applying ETC. I wanted to write back quickly because I am so happy for you as you prepare to homeschool ( I appreciate your comment about how we are really teaching from birth by our words and example - that's a sobering thought!) Anyway, to get to your main question, the thing you and Bob are concerned about as you contemplate what your lives will be like this fall: how do we find time to homeschool our children? I think this presupposes other questions: how do I homeschool and still have a life, have time to pursue my hobbies and help my children keep up in sports with the Jones' children? The short answer to your question is - you don't. Since we are friends, I know you will not think me harsh in saying that (blunt, yes; harsh,no!)

When we began Darby's 'formal' education, I had the opportunity to attend a homeschooling workshop. One of the most helpful seminars dealt with the exact issue you are dealing with (I still need reminders about what I learned that day, so writing to you is really helping me too). We were reminded that there are several ways we can pursue our hobbies. We can 'steal' 10 minutes here and there to do those projects we enjoy (personally, this doesn't work for me - when I'm waiting for the water to boil for the pasta, I can't whip out my cross-stitch and work on the sampler I'm making for my sister's baby - I have to focus on one thing at a time). Another option is to trade babysitting time with a friend once or twice a month so that you each have time to pursue your hobbies of scrapbooking, painting or hiking. A third option is to put your hobbies on hold until your children are older (with the exception of having the luxury of time to pursue them over holidays or when your husband graciously offers to 'give you some time off'). The woman giving the seminar at the conference put it in a nutshell to make it easy to remember and it is, alas, something R.C. has to remind me of often: your children are your garden. I'm not saying you can never do anything fun. I am saying that God has given you your children to raise in the nurture and admonition of Him and that next to your husband, your children are your first earthly priority. Anything that gets in the way of that service needs to be weeded out (pun intended). Where your children spend eternity is what you need to be thinking about every day.

Another area of conflict is church involvement. I realize that may sound strange, especially coming from a pastor's wife. But, sadly, many women feel pressure from some in the church to always be doing more. I am blessed that such is not the case in our church and I hope it isn't for you either. Women's groups, 'children's ministry' (which you will be doing at home!), and various programs all clamor for your involvement. Many times, out of a sincere desire to do good, some in the church will put guilt on others to do more. Of course, we need to take our commitment to our churches seriously, but that does not necessarily translate into more hours spent in making doilies for the church bazaar. If you feel tempted to have more of a 'ministry,' consider whether you are truly being a helpmeet to your husband.

It grieves me to see so many women thinking they are not doing the Lord's work unless they 'have a ministry.' As I said before - your husband and your children are your ministry. If you feel addicted to the praise you get from other adults and the feedback they can give you that perhaps your children can't in quite the same way, you need to examine your motive for service. You can be creative in finding ways to bless others without taking away from your family responsibilities.

Some families that have been homeschool-ing for much longer than we have have also given us some practical advice about the daily routine and fitting everything in. Try to look at your school time (which for most is in the morning) as basically an unbreakable appointment. Some flexibility is important (and isn't that a major benefit of homeschooling) but if you don't consistently put schooling as a priority, other things will easily crowd it out. Let Your answering machine take a message, get tougher on discipline with your younger children if they are always interrupting and pray without ceasing that God would give you the fortitude to do what needs to be done! With the remaining hours in your day (after 'school time') work on becoming adept at doing more than one thing at a time and streamlining your activities.

Another area that may compete for your time (and which you may have to just be ruthless about eradicating) are many of those 'extra-curricular' activities. In many ways they can be a blessing in rounding out your homeschool curriculum, but be very careful not to let the soccer, piano, and co-op groups wind up running your life. If you think you are spending too much time in the car - stop it! Preferably evaluate before this happens so that you are not stuck with commitments you've made. Your homeschooling day, after you're finished with scholastics, should not look just like every other private or government school child's day.

I know that you will prayerfully consider these things and discuss them with your husband. I hope you will realize that with God's help you CAN do this and that He has given you enough time to do what He requires. Blessings!