The Company of Men

Dear Bob,

Well, I hope that I am not mistaken for an advocate of the Promise-Keeper movement but I have to tell you, Bob, you need the company of other men.  Arguably, the PK's tapped into a true and necessary need of male Christians to bond and share. But like many other success oriented "ministries" the inevitable compromises and secular marketing stategies reduce what sounds like a good idea to something superficial. And nothing is as disappointing as the advertising of something that cannot deliver.

But when we consider the biblical approach of "iron sharpening iron" we are well on our way to true comraderie with our fellows. When men are honest with each other and faithful to speak the truth in love, we begin to fulfill the fraternal commands of Scripture, and the answering of God's question in the affirmative, yes, we are our brothers' keeper. But how is this initiated with all the time restraints, responsibilities at home, and packed schedules?

Well, here is a suggestion: breakfast. Invite two or three of your friends to join you once a week for an hour to hour an a half breakfast where the focus is to talk. Make it a point to keep the conversation on a spiritual level. What I mean by that is attempt to process every subject that comes up under the idea of bringing "every thought captive". For instance, go ahead and discuss the skill of Tiger Woods, but consider among your friends that without Christ his accomplishments mean little and that the husband/father that struggles to provide for the physical and spiritual needs of his family is doing something far more important than a person who happens to be able to hit a ball with a stick better than most of the other guys hitting balls with sticks.

Feel free, Bob, to confess how you've let your fanffly down, but then evaluate how much time you have spent with your wife in scheduling the routine of the home, discipling her in the Word, leading her spiritually and loving her like Christ loved the church.

Rave or rant about the latest movie that you have seen but also discuss the worldview that was portrayed. Take the time to critique your pastor's and elders' ministry to the congregation. But plan on making suggestions to them and doing something tangible to encourage them.

Discuss the day's headlines from a biblical perspective: is the lottery legitimate, should tax money go to build state college stadiums, (or state colleges) what is right/wrong regarding the recent international conflict, should Christians boycott Disney?, etc. But above all, Bob, ...leave your Bible at home.

This is not a Bible study. This is a time to use what you have learned from the Scriptures and to incorporate it into all the facets of your life. Join all the studies you want but do not bring the Bible to breakfast. Because of this important factor you may want to make your selection of breakfast companions based on varying degrees of spiritual growth.

Another idea to make this time together profitable would be to get everyone reading and listening to some of the same things. Examples would be CredendalAgenda, Mars Hill Audio joumal, NPR, your local newspaper, the current movie of vast cultural interest (excluding anything by Adam Sandler), and of course Every Thought Captive. This creates a base of information/learning that will affect each person within the breakfast club differently and ultimately lead to discussions that you will reflect on for weeks. Consequently, Bob, it will be time to go to work far too soon for everyone and the next stated time for bacon, eggs, theology, philosophy, and cultural analysis will be eagerly anticipated.

So much so that after a while breakfast isn't enough time to get everything talked out. And not only that, Bob, but the affection and appreciation that grows among the members of this group will cause frustration unless you move it to the next level - camping. Retreating to the great outdoors requires team effort to navigate canoes, cook meals and raise tents. With work, traffic and daytimers left behind, there is time enough to relax and get talked out all the frustrations, ideas, fears and dreams with likeminded men. This is a spiritual exercise. Bob, this is discipleship.

So Bob, as you contemplate my advice to you, keep these things in mind. First, keep the group small. Any more than 5 guys would be a mistake. Trust me on this. There is simply not enough time for everyone to talk, and conversation is the vital component. If others desire to join you for breakfast, explain the dynamics of keeping the group small and suggest that they start their own meeting.

Don't worry if at the beginning, the conversation around the table is less than stimulating. Relax. Introduce subjects on purpose to jump start meaningful dialogue. Remember my suggestion for the group to have some common aquaintence with reading materials, tapes, and media. Before long, everyone will be talking. But talk isn't enough; the emphasis must be on Christian reflection and evaluation. I have met with a group of my peers for breakfast for the past 20 years. I have to credit these friends with the sharpening of my mind, the correction of my walk, and the enjoyment and fulfillment that only Christian esprit-de-corps can give.

Bob, you need this. There is something that will never be right with your life without the fellowship of men. Getting up earlier once a week will make you a better husband, father, friend, employee and church member, because it will make you a better Christian. So, call some friends, find a local greasy spoon diner where the coffee is good, and get started soon. Hey, let me know how it is going. "Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." And besides that, Bob, breakfast is the best meal of the day.