Safe at Home
by the lovely and talented Mrs. R.C. Sproul Jr.

As I write this, we are awaiting the birth of our sixth child (actually, our ninth; we have sadly lost three babies through miscarriage.) As I think and pray about raising this child to love and serve the Lord. I wonder if He will be giving us another girl to add to our four. If He does bless us in this way, it makes me think of all the particular nurturing and training a girl would receive that is different from that a boy would receive (homemaking skills, child loving and tending, submission as far as the different roles that girls have with that) and learning to value what God wants to see in her character.

In our last issue of ETC, we talked about the cursed things and not taking those from the Egyptians in present day. In this colunm, we talked about the cursed things at the checkout lines, specifically women's magazines. One of the troubles with these magazines that we did not cover was the problem of the covers. We don't even have to buy these magazines to be infected by them. Just looking at the 'beautiful' women on the covers is a double whammy. First, it can destroy our peace by putting us under the same kind of pressures as all those articles on the perfect party or the perfect new decorating scheme. We may be tempted to think, "How can I look like that when God keeps blessing me with children?" Thus, we allow the stress of watching our diet, fixing our hair, purchasing and maintaining an attractive wardrobe, etc. to destroy the peace in our homes.

Secondly, perusing these magazines implants in our minds a false idea of what beauty is all about. Peter tells us in Scripture what our goals ought to be and he is far wiser than Helen Gurley Brown. In I Peter 3:1-6 we are given God's definition of what beauty truly is —"Do not let your adornment be merely outward —arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel —rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." Of course we know this passage, but do we really heed it? And do we teach it to our daughters? For that matter, do we teach this to our sons so that they will recognize true beauty when they see it and not pursue or accept a worldly counterfeit? We may be tempted to think our husbands do want the beauty the magazines espouse and that they're not so concerned with the inner beauty that can only radiate out from a woman who is gentle and quiet of spirit. Remember Isabelle the pig in that great song by Judy Rogers —she was all dressed up with a ring in her snout, buttons, bows and curls galore —but she couldn't be taken anywhere because her attitude was so ugly.

So how do we cultivate gentle and quiet spirits in ourselves and our daughters? We must first remember who we are and whose we are. We are wives and we are training up future wives (and no, I don't mean we automatically assume they will many, but we need to spend their lives preparing them for that possible blessing); in this role, we don't need to make sure that WE make everything turn out okay. Instead, we need only to be faithful, to do our jobs, by God's grace, and to train our daughters to do the same. Nine times out of ten, not only are we grabbing for the pants when we do not exhibit a gentle and quiet spirit, but we have already grabbed the pants and have broken them in quite well, thank you, through repeated wearing. The irony is that they are not at all comfortable; part of Eve's curse in the Fall is that she would want to be in charge but that even when she mistakenly thought she was, she would be discontent.

How peaceful could you be if you were under the care of the most loving, most gentle, most powerful and most tender of all caregivers? If you belong to Jesus, that is exactly where you are. And the same is true for your children. His perfect love ought to cast out fear; this means we need to trust Him and not worry about the things we tend to get overwhelmed with —what curriculum shall we use, what will our son be when he grows up, did I buy enough tomatoes, etc. If we have no fear, then we can have a gentle and quiet spirit, a true thing of beauty. It's important to model (sincerely, of course) this attitude for our daughters. Exhorting them about this I Peter passage will be totally useless if they constantly see you flipping out about your work, or the ants in the kitchen cabinet or all the weeds you meant to pull but couldn't. Attempting to teach our daughters God's truth is a humbling prospect, especially on those days where we feel like we've failed in many ways. God, however, can even use a miserable sinner like me to raise godly seed for His glory and kingdom building.

So is this type of beauty what our husbands really want? More than fresh baked cookies, more than a cover-girl figure, more than a rapier wit, yes and yes again, this is exactly what a husband wants. If you haven't already —ask him. Beware not to use this godly standard, however, to justify slovenliness in our appearance. We still need to seek to please our husbands in our outward appearance, but this should not be something we tack on top of our pitiful characters. Remember also that this beauty is not equated with weakness, but rather with strength. It is the strength to do what we are called to do, while resting in the Source of that strength. It is the strength that is driven by peace and not terror, by gentleness and not shrewish domineering. More important than seeking to please our husbands with this beauty, we need to seek to please our heavenly Husband.