Dwelling Among Them
by Denise Sproul

While we Reformed folk generally don't talk about such things, it is good and proper that the Incarnation should comfort us. We forget that we are God's children, and so too often put on a stiff upper lip (which matches the rest of us — stiff). But God was and is here among us; for those in Christ, He is here not in judgment. He is here with us for an important reason—because He loves us.

We are not only God's children, but to quote the too-much-loved unbeliever Dr. Laura, we are also our children's parents. This means that in many ways, we are God in the flesh to them (just as, for us wives, our husbands are like Jesus to us). Our word, according to God's word, and like God's word, is law. We, like God, provide protection for our children. We provide, through God's grace, our children's daily bread. We are, again through God's grace, their creators. Just as the husband and wife are pictures of Jesus and the church, so the parent/child relationship is a picture of the Creator and creature. There are definitely limitations to this analogy, but that doesn't undo the principle and practice we can derive from looking at it somewhat loosely.

Now, assuming we can go ahead with this analogy of representing God in the flesh to our children, here is where it takes us: if we would be God in the flesh to our children, we must tabernacle among them. In this column we have argued against the egalitarianism of this age that tries to make us our children's buddies. We have made a case against segregating families at church. In like manner, we can't allow our anti-egalitarianism to cause us to segregate our homes. To put it more plainly, we need to tabernacle among our children, to spend time with them. And we need to do so with joy, because we love them. If it were legitimate for us to try to picture what God looks like or to imagine a picture of Jesus, can you see Him giving you a hug, yet holding you stiffly at arm's length, with a grimace on His face as if you smelled bad?

Are we really spending time with our children? I was surprised a few years ago to hear that my husband believed the quality versus quantity time theory was a bunch of hogwash. I came to understand why he thought it is nonsense. Certainly it is better to play a game together than it is to take one of them with you to the post office, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't take them or that there is nothing good that comes out of running such an errand together. You might actually talk more and about more important things while driving around together than you would while playing a game of Trouble. They might learn some practical things as well while observing how you conduct business. Math lessons, time budgeting, and courteous behavior even toward workers who are less than helpful are several lessons they might learn just from being along for the ride with you.

We must not wait until it is 'convenient' to spend time with our children. If we did, who of us ever would? When was it convenient for God to dwell among us? He did it, despite setting aside His glory. Certainly we can set aside what we perceive as our convenience in order to joyfully fulfill our obligations toward our children.

So what about practical advice? Daily activities and errands that all of us are required to do are fine times to spend time with your precious offspring. I recall reading in Rick Boyer's humorous book, Yes, They re All Ours about how he and his wife had various alone time with their fifteen (at that time) children merely by including them in their mundane errands. Often those mundane times became much more profitable and enjoyable because of special time to talk with one or a few children. If you can't take them all, take a few with you (and sometimes this works out well to really get them talking). Campbell is our young man that we know will always say 'yes' when asked if he'd like to go get groceries with Daddy or do some shopping with Mommy. If I ever go without him, he invariably will say to me sometime that day, "I feel like I haven't seen you much lately, Mommy." He and Delaney and Darby know the routine for buying chicken feed at the farmer's co-op and the checkout girls at the grocery store always ask about smiley Shannon and Erin Claire if they are not with us. Baking bread and folding laundry are also good times to visit and instruct. It's actually the family that works together that stays together.

As fun as this errand running can be, it's still important to find some special time that is more focused, not so distracted with getting things done. Last year we started doing individual Bible studies, Darby with me and Campbell with Daddy. How sweet and effective those times are, not just for the children's edification and sanctification, but for ours as well!

We have also instituted a family night on Wednesday nights. After the little girls are down (and lest you worry that they are left out, they have other individual time with us and will also be included when they get a bit bigger), RC, Campbell and sometimes Delaney play a game, or do a woodworking project together. Darby and I work on her scrapbook together, try the laniard kit Aunt Sherrie gave her last Christmas or even work on sewing buttons on the dress it took me a year-and-a-half to finish for her! I know that we'll have to get more creative when Shannon, Erin Claire and Maili are ready for these evenings, but that doesn't mean it will be impossible. We pray we will do this because we love them and delight in them, not because it's a chore. We would all do well to remember that it is an honor and a wonderful responsibility to reflect the character of God to our children, to remember that He loves His children, and to delight to love ours.