Growing Peace
Growing Peace
We have, in the past, in Every Thought Captive, argued that the Bible, while giving husband and wife together the call to exercise dominion, gives husbands the outward call and women the inward call. One could argue that man is to make the jungle into a garden (Genesis 3). And the wife is to keep the garden a garden (also Genesis 3). His vision, while remem- bering that the most important tool for moving outward is the children, is nonetheless outward. Her vision is inward. It includes the pains of childbirth, often, and includes the struggle against wanting to be the one in charge and ruling over her husband. That is our curse and what often causes the lack of peace in our homes.
No man, however, stays in the jungle all the time. No man can, for that is where the war is, and every man needs a rest from the battle. Our job as wives is to make sure our husbands can tell the difference between the war zone and the comfort zone. We often laugh about the proverb's assertion that it is better to live on the corner of a roof than with a nagging wife (Proverbs 21: 9). This warning, however, ought to sober us. And it's definitely not funny when you can imagine that that verse is speaking about you. And unfortunately, we probably have all thought that at times. Hopefully, with hard work and the aid of the Holy Spirit, those times become less severe (less of that drippy faucet too) and less often. When I have had a particularly bad day (and no, I don't mean because particularly "bad" things have happened to me, but that I have handled what- ever has happened particularly badly) it is a horrifying thought to think of hearing a tape recording of myself- or remembering that not only has my dear husband heard Iny dripping, but so has my heavenly Husband (only more so because He also knows my thoughts.) How humbling. And how much need I have for repentance and calling on the Lord for strength to do better.
Rule Two in our house, which I have referred to before, is, "Peace in our house." Rule One is related - "Speak to my husband with respect." This is, in a sense, the corporate version of what we talked about in our beauty issue, Peter's wisdom that a gentle and quiet spirit is where we find true beauty. Or, to find a modern analogy, this is what Doug Wilson talks about in Reforming Marriage when he asks what is the aroma in our homes. Is it a delicious, warm, enticing smell or...welI, you can think of something really yucky for the opposite.
Too often we miss the mark on having peace and maintaining that pleasing aroma because we are aiming to please the wrong person. We get uptight and destroy the peace in our house because we're frazzled from staying up half the night cooking homemade frittatas to please our friends. Or we have over- committed to things outside the home (some of them very good, in and of themselves) neglecting our foremost task of caring for husband and children. Or for you single young ladies - helping out with whatever your father has determined to be your role in the family's ministry (probably often aiding your mother). A major warning flag to you should be if you have done this outside over-committing without really discussing it with your husband. We also err in thinking our homes exist for our peace, rather than that we as women exist for working for the peace in our homes. That is a big distinction.
Of course, we have to have reasonable expectations. You are not serving peace in your home if you are stuck in a crying jag because you failed to keep the peace such that your crying baby woke up your husband. It really bothers me when I hear of women who insist that their husbands take a nighttime stint of caring for a newborn as if he should "take his turn." While it is perfectly understandable to occasionally need some help in getting a little extra sleep when you have a fussy newborn, it should not be expected that hubby has nighttime duty; he has, in most cases, daytime duty at a job and can't take a nap when the baby does! If a husband has mercy, seeing his wife's exhaustion, and offers to rock the baby for a while at night, that is one thing. But having him 'driven' to it by a freaked-out wife is another. Husbands, the Bible tells us, are to remember our frames and that we are the weaker vessels. But we can't use that as an excuse to shrug our shoul- ders and say, "Well, I am the weaker vessel, what can I do'!" You can gird up your loins like a woman © and do what you're supposed to do. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and whining and obey God. And remember that His grace is sufficient to enable you to do the work He has given you for this day. Don't sin further by deter- mining that you can just grit your teeth and get through it and collapse into bed at end of the day. That's not how God intends for you to live.
In working toward peace in our homes, we need to daily
remember what our husbands long for. More than fancy meals,
fancy lingerie, fancy anything, they just want some peace. Has
your husband ever had some happy news to come home and
tell you about (or in my case, to walk upstairs at 5:00 to tell
me about) and you totally burst his bubble with a sour attitude
that you dump on him as soon as he walks in the door? Would
you want to be greeted by that when you came home? Avoid
the shame and remorse you'll surely feel later -just don't do
it! We need to remember that our gardens are to resemble the
first garden, as we labor to repair the ruins of our first parents'
fall. Let there be peace in our homes, and let it begin with us.
By Denise Sproul, who makes me proud