If I Should Die Before I Wake…
If I Should Die Before I Wake…
Several weeks ago, at approximately two o'clock in the morning, I woke to hear one of our children crying. As I crawled out of bed and began stumbling down the hall, I suddenly realized that I was experiencing more than the usual sense of disorientation that occurs at times like this. As a matter of fact, I quickly found that I could not take a step without stumbling, or running into a wall. Try as I might, I could not walk a straight line.
I managed to pick Micah up and carry him back upstairs to his bed, but not without desperately clinging to the wall and railing. After what seemed like a long time, I finally stumbled back into bed. As I lay there, I began trying to figure out what was going on. Could I possibly be having a heart attack? Was that a tingling in my arm? No, I didn't feel anything strange there. Could it be a stroke? Would that explain my inability to walk? I lay there, moving my legs, toes, arms and fingers. Everything seemed to work. Should I wake up Sharon? I finally decided to try to sleep.
When I woke up later that morning, things were not much better. I eventually found out that it was probably an inner ear problem, and faithful Dr. Andy ordered a prescription that would cut down on the excess fluid and enable me to function more normally.
So why have I just taken two hundred and fifty of my one thousand words to relay to you this fascinating bit of trivia from the Leuzinger house? Because this experience led me to think more seriously about my life, my death, and my family.
The theme for this issue is reverence. When RC called and asked me to write this article, he said I could either write about reverence for truth, or reverence for children. Having just gone through the experience I related above, I'd like to try to combine the two.
The most troubling thought I had while wondering if something serious was wrong with me was "What will happen to my children if I die?" I don't mean to sound morbid, but the reality of the weakness of my flesh was very real to me. I could not help but think about what would happen to Sharon and the children if I should die. I believe that I have adequate life insurance, but what about their spiritual needs? Have I put forth the necessary energy and time to prepare them for living their lives to the glory of God? Have I instructed them in the Word of God? Have I helped them to hide God's Word in their hearts? Have I cried out to God consistently and fervently for the salvation of their souls? Have my words and my life shown that to know Jesus Christ is to know the truth? Have I shown them the reverence that is due to the King of kings and Lord of lords? Have I shown them the reverence and awe that a father who knows the truth must show to not only the Author of life, but to them, the gifts that He has given?
The sad fact is that we live in a culture which not only despises the Lord of life, but despises the gifts that He has so graciously given. Have you noticed the way in which people talk about children? Not just the goofballs who say that you should only have .5 children per family. What about those who do have children, but who make very evident in their talk and actions that raising those children is more a test of endurance than a glorious opportunity to raise a servant of the Most High God? It is not just the "non-Christian world" that shows a lack of reverence for children; it is the Church too. What other explanation is there for the absence of children in corporate worship, the entertainment orientation of most "children and youth ministry," and the almost insignificant difference between "Christian" and "non- Christian" youth in basic Bible knowledge and godly living? Could it be that as we have lost a reverence for God, that we have experienced a corresponding loss of reverence for children?
The Bible tells us that children are a gift from the Lord. It tells us that children are like arrows in a man's quiver, and that the man who has many is blessed (Psalm 127; 128). (I believe that Doug Wilson is right when he observes that it is not just many arrows that are a blessing. It is sharp and strong arrows that are a blessing to a warrior. It is godly children that are a blessing to their parents.) It gives to parents the awesome responsibility of teaching and training children for the Lord God (Genesis 18:19; Deuteronomy 6:1-9; Joshua 24:14-15; Ephesians 6:1-4). Even a brief meditation on these passages and others can only lead to the conclusion that children must be treasured, thoroughly and carefully nurtured, jealously guarded and protected. The practical applications of this Biblical view of children are overwhehning. Not only for parents, but for every member of the body of Christ.
In our home we have two dictionaries. Both have the Webster title; one is a recent publication, and the other is the 1828 edition. Just now, I tried to look up the word "reverence" in the new dictionary. It is not there. In the old dictionary, the noun form is defined as "fear mingled with respect and esteem." The verb form is defined as "to regard with fear mingled with respect and affection." I have a few questions for you. First, which dictionary is more Biblically accurate? Second, which dictionary corresponds more closely to your thinking and living regarding your own and others' children? Lastly, if I should die before I wake, will my children know that I have shown them Biblical reverence?