When You Assume…
When You Assume…
As parents and as teachers of our children, we come to homeschooling with a whole host of detrimental assumptions. They are detrimental to our children, to us as parents and to our relationship with God - because we are not believing and acting on what His Word says. Although a relative newcomer to homeschooling, I do have six years' experience since our introduction to this training a child in the way she should go began when Darby was bom. Having taught English for six years in government and Christian schools, I am constantly having to remind myself not to be caught up in the world's expectations of how things are 'supposed' to be.
When we first become parents, it doesn't take long to realize that, cute as he is, our child is a sinner. We adore our children, we feel mountains of love for this little one God has entrusted to our care, but lo and behold - he disobeys! If you listen to the world's experts (and sadly, even some Christians), you will believe that he doesn't understand or he's just going through the Terrible Two's (which, by the way, turn into the Threatening Threes and the FormidableFours and the Frightening Fives) and what can you do? Why do we believe this? Because some women's magazine's child development expert said so? Does your child understand when you tell him he may have a cookie? Then he understands when you tell him not to touch the stove. Do you read anything in Scripture that suggests postponing obedience until a child reaches a certain age? Do you think that he's just at that "difficult age" now, but next week he turns three and he'll magically be better? Lovingly train him to obey now.
Another area where we get caught up in assumptions is ability. Just as we need to train our children to be obedient at every stage, we need to work with each of our children's special abilities consistently every day not comparing them to their siblings or to some professional standard. We have been blessed with children at opposite ends of the ability spectrum. Darby can easily read The Chronicles of Narnia and does so over and over. If I had assumed she was much too young to read and comprehend those book, I would have denied her an enjoyable learning experience. At the other end of the spectrum and just as dear to us is our two year old Shannon. Many of you know that she has a brain abnormality. Instead of running and talking and feeding herself, Shannon crawls most of the time, has not yet even uttered, "Mama," and has to be fed all of her meals. Would it be fair or loving to her for me to compare her to my friends' two year olds? I would be robbing our family of the joy God intended us to have with Shannon if I operated under those dangerous assumptions.
My last year of teaching in a Christian school was the first year R.C. and I were married. I often spoke with him while making my lesson plans; he was always surprised at how much I focused on wanting the kids to have fun. "Oh, they'll really enjoy this!" I'd enthuse. R.C. would kindly remind me that while learning is often fun, that should not be our goal. I was turning things around and still sometimes struggle while teaching my children at home with not always seeking to entertain them. This another area where we have bought the assumptions ‘out there.' The goal is not hteir happiness, but their holiness. Please do not mistake me for saying, "Look what they've done to us!" we are responsible for our own decisions and for taking all of the beliefs we hold and examining them in light of Scripture - so that we take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
When first beginning your homeschool experience, it is certainly understandable to want someone to hand you everything and say, "Here's first grade - go to it!" But staying with that ‘school-in-a-box' mentality is not what you want to do. Explore with each of your children what their interests and aptitudes are. Each school year will probably look different, and each child will do different things at different ages. If you try to tailor the education as much as possible and read tons of books, you will be enriching you children's minds greatly. We love Saxon math and will probably use that with everybody, but Campbell loves tools and machines, so except for the book Farmer Boy, I don't think he'll benefit from the Little House series as Darby has.
As Angela's article several issues back (Homeschool? Me?) stated, we also need to be wary of the assumption that unless we have an education degree or at least a college education, we are not qualified to teach our kids. Who says? I almost feel at a disadvantage for having that degree because I constantly have to tell myself not to try to do things "like we did in school" Home education encompasses all of life - it is a moment by moment teaching (when we lie doesn and when we rise up) of who God is and who we are in Him. Who says you are qualified to teach your children? The Lord of heaven and earth! Do not love the world or anything that is in the world; if anyone loves the world the love of the Father is not in him (I John 2:15). If you are fearful and insecure about your ability to teach your children, you are not trusting God's Word which says you have the authority to teach them. This amounts to loving the world and wanting its approval. God has equipped us for every good work - including raising our children and teaching them the good way. Be strong and courageous and when your resolve falters, ask yourself if perhaps you are operating by the world's standards. If you are, repent and ask God to give you strength to do that which He's called you.