Pulling Our Strings
Pulling Our Strings
There are, believe it or not, people still out there that think Republicans are in favor of limited government. I meet them regularly. They're good, hearty people with the best of intentions. And they get their news from other small government Republicans, like the good folks down at the Weekly Standard, or on Fox News, or from Rush. Which means they neither understand limited government, nor the Republican party. Now that they have their man in Washington, they have managed to get only more confused.
Time was when conservatives argued, rightly, that government programs dealing with assorted social ills amounted to nothing more than throwing money at the problem and hoping it would go away. Not anymore. Now that W. is suggesting he might start throwing the money at us, (I'm not sure I should say "us." Though they have faith, and I have faith, we have faith in different things) we're all in favor. It's only wasteful government spending when we don't get to spend it.
Bush's proposal to give federal funds to faith-based social programs should have destroyed any remaining credulous faith that anyone ever had that Republicans believe in small government. Haven't we been saying all along, "It's not the government's job." How did we get from that to "It is the government's job to pay for it, but we'll actually do the job."? Though there are a thousand and one arguments about this great power grab from Washington, and money grab from assorted "faith groups", the clearest one is this: We cannot at the same time minister in the name of Jesus Christ and in the name of W, or the taxpayers. Such organizations may proclaim the Lordship of Jesus Christ (they may also proclaim the Lordship of Sun Yung Moon, but that's another issue), but their actions show their true hearts. In Washington they live and move and have their being. Their lips confess one thing, but their knees bow before the feds. And we will be shamed again. You can call it Yahweh all day long, but it's still Baal. Faith based organizations who take Uncle Sam's money become Uncle Sam's nephew, and we know what a funny uncle Uncle Sam is.
Surviving Orlando
As many of you know, your favorite dynamic duo, Bob & Larry Boy set up shop outside of the Ligonier Ministries Orlando Conference a few weeks ago. I forgot to bring our large Highlands Study Center banner for our display, which did not go well with RC. But he brightened up when I pointed out that all the other exhibitors were doing something, so we did nothing. And it worked. The attendees passed by all the glitz and glamour of the other booths on their way to see us.
We had a tremendous time meeting many of our readers who were in attendance. We couldn't walk through a crowd without someone patting us on the back and saying, "Love the Chicken Report." Not a few of you came by our table gushing with compliments about how you liked our publication more than, say, that other magazine. Which was encouraging, as our goal is to run Wilson & Jones into the ground. Just kidding, calm down! Sheeesh!
If you were not at the conference, R.C. was as convincing and convicting as ever. Even though the topic of EDUCATING YOUR CHILDREN is not a subject that RC is particularly passionate about. He did manage to contribute a few ideas that caused folks to foam at the mouth and run screaming from the building. Just give this guy a microphone and look out. As usual, he was charged and challenged by many only to slay them all with kindness and truth. With one notable exception. One fellow, (whom we later got to know and appreciate) asked RC a question concerning homeschooling. "What do you say to a wife who says she doesn't want to homeschool?" the fellow asked. RC countered with, "What do you say to a wife who doesn't want to fulfill her conjugal duties?" Yep. A good time was had by all.
I Like to Watch
The reality of reality TV is that it has already hit a brick wall. Sure, Survivor is surviving, but its imitators have already found themselves lost in the outback. The millionaire and his wife have already been through Divorce Court. The Mole has already been whacked. I've got a theory as to why. What we're watching isn't real enough. I mean, how many of us have spent a few weeks with a naked sodomite? How many of us wake up each morning hoping we will be able to hold our breath, or walk on fire, or whatever it is they do in these challenges, in order to make it to the next day? How many of us make secret alliances and then betray our friends? Oh wait, that part is real. How many of us are waiting to get a check for a million dollars, for surviving? Reality TV is just too unreal.
Not to worry though. I have a solution, a proposal that will revolutionize
television. It is real reality television. None of this sissy, made-up stuff.
No more entertainment add-ons to cover over the reality. I call the show Lives
of Quiet Desperation. Here's the concept. We set up a camera in the living
room of an average American family. And we watch them, from eight to eleven,
seven nights a week. We will witness glazed eyes, and fingers turned orange
from too many cheese curls. We will see unseemly scratching and picking. There
will be no commercials, so we can watch our watchers race to the bathroom when
their commercials come on. If we can't stand to watch it, how can we stand to
do it? What we're actually watching is this reality- the death of a very sick
culture, and it's being brought to us by Proctor and Gamble.