Mary Versus Martha
Mary Versus Martha
It is clear from Scripture that we are to be hospitable in our homes, that we are to welcome especially brothers and sisters in Christ into our midst on a regular basis. This is for the purpose of edifying and serving one another, showing each other through this ministry the love of our Lord. We are all familiar with the Mary and Martha story where Martha gets bent out of shape during Jesus' visit because she perceived that Mary was not helping enough with meal preparation, etc. We also know Jesus' response to Martha's accusation - telling her that Mary had chosen the better portion by sitting at Jesus' feet and listening to His teaching. We know that we are supposed to be like Mary, but still struggle with being Martha. Our calling is to choose the finer thing, but we still feel the pull of wanting the finer things. We can get obsessed (read: idolatrous) about wanting our homes, our meals, our yards to be beautiful. While we know that Lazarus is the one that was raised from the dead, it sometimes seems as if Martha is the one still with us. We see her everywhere - from the TV to the newsstand to K-Mart. She has apparently remarried, for now she goes by the name of Martha Stewart. Now, I appreciate her pretty sheets, reasonably priced flower bulbs and her garden rakes. I do not appreciate how my sinful nature can get me overly interested in acquiring those things and spending too much time putting them to use.
Both the world and the church are awash in hints on beautifying our lives (there's Martha and then there's Emilie Barnes - whose books I have greatly enjoyed). This is fine and good as long as we don't take it too far. What follows is not an argument for serving hot dogs to our guests on paper plates while we sit in our living room on plastic lawn furniture. It is, however, a call to not miss out on the better, a call not to miss the point in our Christian hospitality.
Some balk at the thought of having others in their homes because they see it as putting on a show and feel ill-equipped. There are two reasons we are tempted to put on a show when we have company. First, we think this is what our guests want. Think about it though: when was the last time you left a friend's home all giddy because their flower arrangement looked so nice? What all of us truly enjoy is time spent with our friends and family, in our home or theirs. It's not about wowing or being wowed by culinary expertise. And meeting with friends in a home, even if they are new friends whose approval you desire, is not supposed to be a trip to a museum. The second reason we're tempted to put on a show is so that others will think, "Wow, she really went to a lot of trouble for us," when our desire should be for others to think, "Wow, I really enjoyed talking with her; what a blessing that was."
There are two reasons we must not make these two mistakes associated with seeing hospitality as showtime. First, we are to be like Jesus to our guests. That means we give freely of our time, not just our substance. We're more concerned with building one another up in love and spurring one another on to good deeds than we are with spending the whole visit sweating in the kitchen. Second, our Christian guests are to be Jesus to us. They are in union with Christ. Doesn't it then make sense that we would want to be with them rather than carving vegetables for a centerpiece? This means that when we are with these image-bearers of Christ, we need to be completely "there" and not distracted and stressed because the souffle has fallen.
So how do we keep a balance - having edible food but not a seven course meal? Make sure your guests are comfortable and feel at home, not like they're at a highbrow restaurant. Think of yourself in terms of a waiter, not a cook. You want to serve your guests, freely giving them your attention. Worry more about the cat jumping up on them than about having heart-shaped ice cubes for their drinks. Worry about whether they can rest and relax in your home than whether they feel they've had an adventure at your big shindig. Display your concern for their needs, not your need for display. Remember that we show hospitality to others for their sake, not our own. If you feel you need to radically change your home for guests, one legitimate goal would be to work on making your home normally peaceful and orderly.
A few brief words about the flipside of this - being a gracious guest. First, if your host has requested an RSVP ,the least you can do is call and respond. I am frequently appalled at the lack of this courtesy even among Christians. If a bad memory is the culprit for this oversight, put the invitation or a note to yourself in a conspicuous place so that after you have checked it with your husband you can answer your host. Another important part of being a kind guest is teaching your children what that looks like. First, we teach them to be gracious and thankful for the food that they are served - there is no room here for complaints. Secondly, we teach them that they may not help themselves to all rooms and toys - just the ones that their hosts (including the under 10 set) offer them; then, at the end of the visit, they help put away all the goodies and leave things, as much as possible, the way they found them. This means if the parents have a departure time in mind, they need to prompt the children beforehand to get busy (for some young ones and those new at picking up after themselves, this may also need to be supervised). You want your children to be welcome guests, not ones that require an hour's cleanup afterwards by the host family. Hospitality can and should be a delightful, relaxing joy to all - both hosts and guests.
by Denise Sproul, who invites you all over for hot dogs and beans, any time
you want