Ja-Buzz
Ja-Buzz
A year or so ago, on this very page, I asked the question, "What's next?" It seems that every few years some new heretic trots out an old heresy, and people like me start pulling their hair out, and then everyone yells at people like me for being upset. The irony is that we have now stepped over the line.
Usually what happens is our evangelical friends make the mistake of turning on Christian TV, and they get caught up in the old name it and claim it heresy. Or some Roman Catholic turns Charismatic, decides none of it matters anyway, and starts hearing messages from God, and we like idiots believe him. But the rest of us realize those Teflon hair-do guys are just snake oil salesman. Now though, one of our own has taken to selling the stuff, and we're buying like Saint Patrick is coming tomorrow to drive all the snakes away.
Bruce Wilkinson, who has taught so many to walk through the Bible, who, as far as we know, has never even been to Tulsa, and whose ties are not inordinately fat, and whose wife is just a regular person, has now shown us one of his favorite rest spots along the way. It seems that Jabez said a prayer. And it seems that Bruce found it. Like so many Catholics, evangelicals across the nation are saying their Jabez rosary, many with their equally superstitious heathen neighbors. Why I wouldn't be surprised if we won't soon see assorted bracelets, hats, and t-shirts emblazoned with WWJP, what would Jabez pray?
Friends, there is a lesson here, and it is this: evangelicals are blind-leading the blind, gnat straining, camel-swallowing, money-changing, twice the child of hell convert making ninnies. And Jabez, who was no doubt, an honorable man of God, is up in heaven praying still, "Oh Lord, diminish his territory. This is embarrassing." I'm done pulling my hair out. First, it's too much work trying to find what little hair is left, and second, what hath Nashville/Wheaton/Colorado Springs to do with Jerusalem anyway?
My advice? Expand Doug Jones' territory, and get and read his little booklet, The Mantra of Jabez. And the next time someone sincerely asks you what you think about this Jabez phenomena, just start rolling on the floor laughing like you got the Toronto blessing. And if they peek in your mouth looking for gold fillings, slay them in the Spirit.
Brand Spanking New
The "experts" have recently reported that occasional spanking is not detrimental to a child's development. They warn, however, that excessive spanking can cause a child to become rebellious and warped in their character. Official Highlands Study Center response: Duh!
The Scriptures tell us that corporate punishment is an important factor in raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This would exclude spanking children out of anger, frustration, or (the subtle one) embarrassment.
Spanking correctly (and as often as needed) is a requisite for the forming of acceptable behavior and for the teaching of little souls what the Gospel is all about. If children don't learn the concepts of sin, punishment, chastening, and forgiveness in this area they will have a skewed idea of the Gospel. When the rod is administered correctly, sons and daughters learn the truths of the gospel several times a day. My son, Ethan, should be ready to do his dissertation by age 6!
Discipline of children is one of the many areas of Biblical teaching that the world refuses to recognize. This is apparent from the writings of Benjamin Spock to the United Nation's Resolution on Children's Rights that good ol' Jessie Helms has kept faithfully buried on his desk for years but with his departure will become news again. That preposterous document, that many of the "civilized" nations have adopted would, among other things, make "sparing the rod" the law of the land. This foolishness of the world could become the first line of demarcation we will have to cross.
That 70's Thing
Okay, so I admit it. I had bell bottom pants. I thought Greg Brady was just about the coolest guy there was. I had a Dacron pant suit thing that made me look like the Oscar Mayer kid playing a lounge in Vegas. But I have two excuses. First, I was in grade school. I was young, immature, foolish, as grade school kids are. Second, I thought it was normal. I mean, I didn't even know what clothes were until I woke up one day, saw the Jackson Five on TV, and figured it out.
When I became a man, I put away childish things. In fact, I didn't even wait to become a man. I was a bitty little teenager when I figured out how silly we all looked. But now, people who ought to know better, people who went through this once before, people who are old enough to dress themselves, are bringing this hideousness back. I'd rather see slovenly kids in oversized flannel shirts and hair in their eyes than this. Give me a nice Next Generation jumpsuit. Anything but this hip-hugging, monster mag dragging, skin tight fake silk shirt wearing, whole sole heel stomping nightmare.
Who let these people out of the asylum? I understand the power of nostalgia. I miss the seventies. Heck, the Steelers owned the seventies. But not the clothes. I'd rather have Nixon back then the clothes. I'd rather have the AMC Gremlin back than the clothes. I'd rather have that song Feelings back than the clothes. Anything but the clothes.
Here's what you can do. Don't buy the stuff, and don't wear the stuff. Trust
me. Even though I was just a kid, I'm still embarrassed to have my picture seen.
You will thank me when the spell wears off. Everyone will thank me. And once
that happens, keep up your vigilance, lest the polyester monster try once more
to crawl out of the swamp.