Lazy in Love
Lazy in Love
I'm sure we have all met fathers who swear that they are not going to let their own daughters date until they are at least thirty years old. They are the ones who are always trying to get you to laugh along with them. They don't mean what they are saying and no one ever laughs along.
Or maybe we have seen situation comedies where the "dad" is saying "no way" to some punk who wants to date his little girl. But he always gives in by the end of the show. And the giving-in isn't really the worst part. The worst part is that he wasn't ever trying to protect her at all. In fact he wasn't doing anything at all for her. He was only trying to hold on to sentiment for his own private cutesy world.
Perhaps there is a problem in that we can too easily be tempted with the world's notion that the role of a father is one of an accepting, tolerant, allowance-paying male (only by gender) guardian. When we use the term "father figure", what we usually mean by it is one we might look up to as an example, you know, if we need to. Nearly the last thing we mean by it is someone who exercises authority.
The biblical role of the father includes his calling to protect his family. He is to protect them in many ways we have written about on these pages in other issues. In general, men and boys are given the responsibility to protect women and girls. This is one that is so basic to all civilization that God's Word often seems assume this or simply imply it. But it is also basic and essential fact that the father especially is called to protect the purity of his daughters. Such passages as Gen. 19, Lev. 19, Deuteronomy 22, and Judges 19 give us clear biblical proof.
And already we know this because we still gasp and wince in horror and anger when we hear of a young girl having been molested by her own father or step-father. For the most part we as a culture still recognize the abomination of such a thing. We still for the most part, at least in a case like this, acknowledge that the father was the very one who above all others, was the one responsible to protect her. Protect her from violence sure, but no less so her purity.
The culture we are too often immersed in does not value sexual or emotional purity for girls older than, say, 11 years. Nor does it want to help a father or anyone else protect it. This is not just an uphill or upstream battle for those who are intimate already with the world. That would imply that it is a worthy adventure and there is honor in it. But the incline is much too dangerous a risk to scale and the waves will almost certainly dash us against the rocks. It is, plainly, foolishness. But we have been called out of the world and into Christ's fruitful kingdom. So too should the ones who will to marry our sons and daughters.
A father has the responsibility to raise godly children in the faith so that they do the same. And if a parent is lazy with love and protection, he can expect the same with his children. With this high calling comes real authority within the household sphere and means that his daughter is under his authority until she is married and her husband takes the job. This is why the minister still asks, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" That alone could make someone wonder how any father could let his daughter marry some man he doesn't thoroughly know.
When a young man comes around for the hand of a lady, he goes through her father. If the father in wisdom and authority needs to say no to a hopeful suitor, he has done no wrong. The woman being pursued biblically has rights of last refusal. And no means no. The young man who cannot respect the authority of the father can learn to expect a skilled and practiced step and swing and accept swift northern white ash.
It is not the job of the father be either bull-headed or indecisive. There is no wisdom in demanding unreasonable extra-biblical expectations. His authority is for her own protection, not for the puffing-up of chests or provoking children to wrath. His authority is for the glory not his own but Christ's.
Perhaps the authority of the father is no more clearly manifested than when a daughter grows up to want the same godly things in a man who wants to marry her as her father wants to find. How lovely it is to see a daughter trusting in her father.
Another way in which to prepare daughters and sons for the choices they will make about whom they choose is with their siblings if they are so blessed. We can do this with both their brothers and sisters. When a suitor comes around for the older daughter, the younger ones should and will be watching. And when the older son seeks and receives his fathers wisdom in looking for and finding a helpmeet, the daughters should see how a wise young man may come for them one day.
The father's authority will also be shown in the desires of young woman. However she may not be as experienced to discern between a diligent young man and a smooth operator. A father is man and is familiar with the unique temptations of a young man because he was a young man once. A father is also already experienced with the very responsibility that the young man is applying for.
I know we all know this but let me remind us all again here. We need to diligent in prayer for our daughters and sons and their future suitors and spouses. We ought to pray for wisdom in leading and raising our children and pray also asking for wisdom for our children as they grow in faith and stature. We can even ask for wisdom when young suitors start coming around for our daughters and our sons go out to choose a bride.
A father has done well whose daughter can spot a lazy farmer boy coming up the lane. He has already done a fine job of guarding her when she has the wisdom and sense to offer no more than the time of day to an unsuitable suitor. A lazy man, a wise woman will not maintain and a wise man not entertain.