The House of Mourning
by Denise Sproul

Most of us, because we homeschool, have been accused of "sheltering" our children. R.C. and I like to respond with all graciousness "What will you accuse us of next—feeding and clothing them?" It's a strange thing to be accused of what you think wisdom demands. It's like having someone approach you incredulously and asking, with all due horror, "Did I just see you helping that little old lady across the street?" We do shelter our children, and rightly so. We would be failing in our duties as Christian parents if we let our children be exposed to any—and everything. Though the charge of sheltering has precious little to do with homeschooling, however, it is possible to shelter too much. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing indeed. If our "shelters" are off balance, run off will ruin the foundations. Our prayer for our children is that they be innocent but not ignorant. We don't want their world to come crashing down when they find out that Grandma isn't on a long vacation and won't be coming back. Nor do we want them to suffer as a couple in Germany recently suffered (when our children are old enough to need such information). This German couple had tried for years to have a child. Tests showed they were healthy. When asked how often they, uh, knew each other, the couple didn't know what that meant. They had no idea what they were supposed to be doing. (As an interesting sidelight- the young couple were not homeschooled.)

This sheltering thing, in short, requires something you can never have too much of, wisdom. We don't need to give our children all the gory details about certain things. You don't take a three year old through the Holocaust museum, nor do you explain the details of exactly how Simeon and Levi welcomed Shechem and his family into the clan. But if there is one thing they should know about from a young age, it is death. Some have argued that life on the farm helps with this because death is an ordinary part of life there. Of course, if that farm is a chicken farm and if the farmer is RC, perhaps you'd better cover their eyes now and again. Some horrors are too great for anyone's eyes.

We first ought to let our children know, as much as they can understand, what death is. This explanation can actually go easier in the context of animals—either pets or the animals we eat. However, we should certainly make the distinction that animal death and human death are two different things. Children should be made to understand that the world to come is as real, if not more so, than the world in which they dwell. People do go away, to two different places, and they won't be coming back. We should not deceive them about those realities. This is likewise why we do not wait to tell our children of those blessings growing in me, until some arbitrary "safe" time has come. Together we have mourned for those we have miscarried, just as together we have rejoiced in the blessings He has been pleased to spare.

The most important reason they should know the truth about death is so that they can know about the death of Christ. And none of this mamby-pamby "separation from God" stuff either. We, and our children need to understand that the Father was very much present at Calvary, actively pouring out His wrath on the Son. Our goal in teaching them these things is that they might know Christ better, and praise Him all the more. This is why when we pray after discipline, we pray thanking God that it is possible for Erin Claire to be forgiven because of Jesus' death on the Cross on her behalf. She can't understand that if she has no idea what death is. Again, this doesn't need to mean gory details. The Bible tells us plainly, even discreetly, about the death of Christ. But we can't miss it when reading the Scriptures. Death is spoken of in straightforward terms. Try to show them the Bible with the death taken out, and you have taken out the very reason they need to know the Bible, not to mention the Bible itself.

It is not just 'death' in isolation that our children should be taught. Even in their youth they should be encouraged to think through the issues covered in this issue of ETC. Why should we hate death? Because death is the fruit of sin. Why should we love death? Because it takes us to Christ. (Remembering of course that the "us" of whom this is true is those who depend upon the work of Christ alone.) Again, without painting overly vivid pictures of the torments of Hell, we don't teach our children some strange doctrine of justification by being someone we love. If God for His glory hasn't drawn someone we love to Him, we do not then hide that from our children. How should we mourn? As those who have hope. This too they must see in us—both the mourning, and the hope that is in us.

Here is one more reason— as if we needed one—to turn off the television. Our children don't need a cartoon view of death. They don't need to really think that you can run off a cliff and run right back on or that you can get your head smashed with a giant weight and come back for more. They also don't need to feed on violence day in and day out (and not because we're afraid it will make them go out and kill someone). They need to spend their time thinking on things that are "true, right and noble."

Our calling in teaching about difficult and sometimes scary things to our children is the same as the calling for every aspect of our lives. We are to trust in the grace of God as we seek day by day to be faithful, even unto death.