Better To Mourn
Better To Mourn
R.C. has asked me to write articles for ETC on numerous occasions, and most of the time I haven't stopped to consider why he has asked me to write one column as opposed to another. This time, however, I have a good idea why he has asked me to take this particular article.
I have mourned for a daughter (Hope) who was in this world only two hours before the Lord was pleased to have her live with Him in heaven instead of with us on earth. Also, as my wife, children and I grieved over Hope's death and the sin that is the underlying cause of death, we had dear brothers and sisters who grieved with us (some traveled 750 miles on the spur of the moment). We mourned and others mourned with us—both are very Christian.
My family and many of those who experienced our sorrow are Calvinists. We understand that God is sovereign. We heartily embrace the truth that He has ordained whatsoever comes to pass. We take great comfort in knowing that apart from our Father's will not a hair on our head can fall to the ground, and that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. We know these truths, believe these truths, and rejoice in these truths; yet we mourned, we wept tears of sorrow, and our hearts ached. Just as it is right and good to believe God is sovereign, it is right and good to mourn death over which He is sovereign. These are not contradictory; rather they are perfectly in keeping with the Word of God. We must be careful to acknowledge the heart of Reformed theology, without losing our heart in Reformed theology. To put it another way, TULIP is not the same as stiff upper lip.
Paul exhorts us to rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15). This command flows from the first verse of this chapter, which follows his thorough teaching on God's sovereignty, double-predestination and covenantal love. After giving all the proof a Reformed person could ever want or need in the first eleven chapters of Romans, Paul does not begin chapter twelve with, "Therefore, I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to become stoics." Nor does he give us any reason to believe that every tear will be wiped away, or that there will be no more death, mourning, crying or pain in our Christian life. Such is reserved for the new heaven and new earth. Instead he says: Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship (12:1). One way in which we do this is to love our brothers and sisters in Christ (v. 9-16). When we rejoice and weep with them, we love them compassionately or sympathetically. Therefore, when we mourn with those who mourn we are offering up an acceptable sacrifice to God. This is our spiritual service of worship, and a beautiful display of love.
The Lord Jesus Christ exemplified such compassionate love throughout His earthly ministry. His willingness and ability to mourn with those who mourn was wonderfully evident in the death of Lazarus (John 11:1-46). We are all very familiar with the text and the words, Jesus wept, found in verse 35. We also read that Jesus was deeply moved (v. 33, 38), and was troubled (v. 33). What moved and troubled Jesus causing Him to weep? There can be little doubt that Jesus was angry and indignant against sin, and the fact that death, which brought such sorrow to Mary, Martha and those who loved Lazarus, was the result of sin. We must not, however, stop here. Such inward agitation and intense emotion must also (primarily?) be attributed to Christ's sympathy with Mary, Martha and the others. The text seems to indicate that the weeping, sorrow, and mourning of others moved Jesus to tears. These were tears of compassionate love, love for Lazarus, his sisters and all who were grieving. Christ is not only fully God, but also fully man. And, He is perfectly man. In other words, in weeping with those who weep, Jesus displayed the perfect righteousness and love of mourning. Consider also that Jesus possesses perfect theological insight and Martha demonstrated profound theological insight, yet this did not hinder mourning. We don't read that Jesus told everybody that there is no crying in Christendom, to buck up and remember that Lazarus is in a better place. What we do read is, Jesus wept. He wept even though moments later He would speak omnipotent words and Lazarus would walk out of the grave. He wept because there is a time to weep and a time to mourn. This was such a time.
The death of our daughter was the most difficult and heart-wrenching time of our lives so far. At the same time it was glorious and joyful. This paradox is appropriate given the nature of death. Our hearts ached as we looked at death in the face of our beautiful daughter, but we rejoiced in knowing she was in the hands of a covenant making and keeping God. It was through tears and with great difficulty that I read Scripture and spoke during Hope's memorial service, but it was glorious to see all the friends and family who loved us enough to sympathize with us. We experienced the sting of death, but were able to praise and thank God who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Mourning the death of a loved one is not fun, but it is good. God's Word tells us, and God's Son showed us that it is so. Therefore, we know that it is good for God's people to practice the "one another" of mourning. We are to obey God's command, loving as Christ loved by mourning with those who mourn.