Spilled Milk
Spilled Milk
With six young children, we buy a lot of milk. Though we are getting away from drinking it at every meal, we still usually go through at least five gallons a week. Shannon gets a good portion of her daily calories from whole milk mixed with Instant Breakfast powder and our other children also drink a fair amount. (And then there is R.C. and his abiding, albeit less than mature, love of breakfast cereal.) We do not, however, get the maximum caloric benefit from every drop we buy. Some of it ends up consumed by dish towels and Bounty quicker-picker-uppers. That is to say, we also have our fair share of spilled milk. What follows after that is not only the work of cleaning up the spill, but understanding how this event came to pass. When milk gets spilled, we have to go through the struggle of determining whether an action stems from youth or from sin. Was it simply little hands, or was it little sinful hands? And while we're busy figuring this out, we must keep our own little hands from sin.
Some parents are all to quick to excuse sin on the basis of you. "Little Jimmy didn't lie. He's too little to understand the difference between a lie and the truth. One day he'll learn the difference, but for now, we'll just have to let it go." Never mind that little Jimmy is four or five years old and goes through various verbal sparring matches with his siblings every day. Never mind that if we tell him, "Henceforth you will be permitted to eat only ice cream and donuts," that he will know not to believe us. Here it is not Jimmy but Jimmy's parents who can't distinguish between the truth and the lie.
Other parents fall of the other side of the glass of milk. They hold to the W.C. Fields theory of children. They seem to believe that being a minor is at least a minor sin in itself. They're either trying to make their children grow up too fast or have no enjoyment and patience with their children when they are little. And when childishness rears its little head in these homes, soon anger rears its ugly head.
As is so often the case, in determining whether an action is sinful foolishness or age-appropriate childishness, the tool for figuring it out is as simple and as complex as wisdom. We have already made some progress when we remember after one of these incidents simply to ask the question—which one of these cases is the source of the problem? If we ask the question, we will usually have little trouble discerning the answer. Sometimes our children get spanked for spilling milk and sometimes they do not. If we are doing well, the difference is in their behavior and not our mood at the moment. In other words, if the refrigerator door broke, we had fourteen phone calls and Socks the outside dog has decided to come inside, I don't fly off the handle if Erin Claire drops a big bowl of soup because Socks runs in front of her. If she decides, on the other hand, to carry the soup to the table when I told her not to, that is an offence that needs to be disciplined calmly because it is disobedience. If, on the third hand, the child is trying to balance his milk cup on his nose, he will soon have difficulty sitting in his chair. This is sinful foolishness. In asking for trouble, the child is asking for trouble. But if the child was simply passing the potatoes, we will pass on the spanking.
Our goal for the children is both that they would mature and that they would become more godly. That is, as Jesus did, we want them to grow in wisdom and in stature. Critical to getting this done is to encourage them to want to do the same. Let them know what your goals are for them. Let them know that you want them to get to the point where they can say, "I'm not doing 'x' even though it looks like fun, because I know that is foolishness and that's not pleasing to God."
While it may be hard to see them group up so fast (Darby groans when I pull out her old clothes for her little sisters and they get all misty-eyed!) we want them to delight in this. Two issues ago in ETC, Lesli talked about this in light of the work we ought to give our children. But the same is true in all things. We want them to grow into adulthood. It is a gradual process, of course, but we should see progress all along the way. They can't say, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child..." if they have never put away childish things when they are nearly grown. Silly voices, sucked thumbs and special blankets all have their places. But what was once cute can swiftly become unbecoming or even a perversion if it is no longer appropriate for a maturing young person who is years beyond needing to do those things.
Therefore, let us push to maturity; not as in some desperate race, but in wisdom. We don't want our young ladies to be more comfortable with a baby doll than with a baby. We don't want our young men wearing silly caps like school boys. If their idea of a grand evening is hours upon hours of video games, then they still have much growing to do, no matter what their age, and not matter how hard they might have worked during the day. Yes to joy, child-like faith and child-like exuberance. But that child-like faith leads us, and the children He has given us, into adulthood. Let us likewise remember that we too are His children and must push on toward maturity. Let us push on in our spiritual growth not only in seeking to raise our children for God's glory, but in pursuing wisdom in all areas of our lives.